Why I row

I tried rowing ("just once to see what it's like") soon after arriving at Cambridge in 2003.  Pretty soon, I'd been roped into doing a competition, got to know the other girls, been put into a crew and was pretty much hooked for the rest of that term.  So initially, I guess, it was a social thing - I found an easy group of people to join in with, and a sport that did not require any previous experience which I found myself to be moderately good at (ish).

The next term, I was promoted to the first boat and soon tried to quit.  I was vaguely worried that I wasn't doing enough work between all the other things I managed to fit in (for example, science and maths society lectures or going to the theatre), and rowing seemed like it ought to be the first thing to go.  Within a week I was subbing into the second boat and had agreed to row with them.  So here there was a trade-off between my friends in the boat club (most of whom were in the second eight) and concern for my work (oh, the enthusiasm of a misguided fresher!).

I stayed in the second boat for the next term and then began to row with the first eight.  At this point I had a few more motivations other than the social side of rowing: 1) I had become considerably fitter and stronger (and thinner!), and noticed the change;  2) I realised how much I enjoyed winning races; 3) It was nice to have an escape from the work-work-work routine at college, where people did get very stressed about exams.

Then followed a long period where the boat club was my social life, my family, everything really.  I committed a lot to the club and I got a lot out of it.  There was little that could have convinced me not to row: 1) I felt fit and strong and found myself actually to be physically competitive for the first time; 2) I really loved the people in my crew - we had an awesome bunch of very different characters who worked well together and came up with the goods time after time; 3) I started to realise the "zen" of rowing as a kind of meditation - that intense concentration on a repetitive but highly-skilled activity - and to appreciate for itself the rhythm and the feel of the boat.

Then I was Captain of the college boat club (and a long way from the nervous, unfit fresher I had been), which was the most rewarding job I have ever done.  I enjoyed being a leader, a mother, a friend, a secretary, a counsellor, a figurehead, an accountant, a mediator, a negotiator, an inspiration, a slave-driver, a motivator, a coach, a cox'n, a member of my crew and a role model for the club.  We had an awesome year and I loved every minute of it.  I spent too much time on it; maybe up to 40 hours a week.  I neglected my studies, I'll admit, but I did pass the year and it's hard to say I didn't get a good deal more out of my place in the boat club than I did from my academic study.

After that it was time for a change, for many reasons, and I left Cambridge for a bigger river to do a PhD at Imperial College.  Why do I row here?  To begin with I wanted to find the same kind of family I had at Cambridge, to find another group of wonderfully different people who share this one rather all-consuming interest.  It's funny that rowing attracts such strong characters.  Perhaps other sports are the same and I don't realise, but I think there is something about the constant search for another percent of efficiency, another inch of water, another ounce of strength, that just draws in some people so completely where others see no point.  I was unsure about the 1x, though now I think I am coming to appreciate how unforgiving it is and take that as a challenge rather than admit defeat.  I want to get better in the single; I want to reach that state of fluidity where you slip past the water rather than pushing through it.  I won't consider myself a good rower until I can scull a 1x well enough to feel that flow under the bow and lose myself in it, until a cold autumn morning is the best training session I could imagine and leaves me higher than a kite.

So rowing has kind of slipped into my subconscious now to alter how I see the world; in the coaching we get I have learnt to learn from other people's mistakes as well as my own; I have learnt that there is no substitute for patience and commitment; I have learnt to trust my friends and give everything for them in the knowledge that they will do the same for me.  I have learnt that hard work is not always more effective than subtlety, but that it will beat anything else by a country mile.  I have learnt the value of self-awareness, the beauty of a heartbeat and the joy in feeling dissonant universes click together in rhythm, harmony.

In this mood I like the three seat of a quad, the five seat of an eight, the stroke seat of a double.  I don't want to have to think in literal terms about rowing or steering; it should just happen and if I can lose myself into that kind of trance of self-awareness I know that I can push myself right to and past my limits.

Where next?

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.  "Which road do I take?" she asked.  "Where do you want to go?" was his response.  "I don't know", Alice answered.  "Then", said the cat, "it doesn't matter".

But, of course, it's rarely that simple.  It would be nice to be capable of approaching decisions with this kind of equanimity; on the other hand, I would not like to reach the point where I could happily flip a coin.  Some degree of emotional investment in a decision has got to be a good thing; is this incompatible with a belief that either choice, once made, will turn out for the best?

Who am I?

Rather an unanswerable question, so instead I'll describe what I do.

I'm a PhD student at Imperial College in the department of Earth Science and Engineering.  I study ways of improving storage of carbon dioxide in geological formations a long way under the surface of the earth, which is one of many proposals for tackling the threat of globally increasing atmospheric CO2 concentrations.  On a daily basis, this involves sitting at a computer trying to write programs to solve a set of equations which describe the fluid flow.  I enjoy the idea that I am contributing something to "saving the planet" but at the moment I'm a bit frustrated by my lack of progress.

The other main part of my life (excluding sleep) is my rowing for Imperial College.  I train 12 times per week on the river Thames and in our boathouse at Putney.  I started rowing at Cambridge 4 years ago and was hooked almost immediately into the sport.  Now it's pretty much got to the point where I feel I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't row, hence the title of this blog.  Rowing gives me physical strength and fitness, mental toughness, empathy, calmness, an ability to learn, space for meditation and an outlet for my energy.  Not to mention a wonderful set of friends :o)

Other things I do: I love learning new languages, more for the links between them than for the actual use of the language.   I find a lot of peace in running and walking.  This summer I am going to try to do more orienteering, and I have signed up for a Life Drawing class starting next week.  I enjoy working with kids so you'll find me there somewhere when volunteering opportunities come up to do science outreach activities!

When I finish my PhD I don't know what I'll do next.  I always imagined myself "being a scientist" but now I'm not sure that's what I want.  The things I have done over the past years that I have enjoyed most were very heavy on communication, for example being captain of the college boat club last year, and being a Science Communicator at the Glasgow Science Centre (hands-on museum for kids - great fun!).  I like being in charge of a large project and working with people.  In academia that is more of a senior job, and you have to work your way up from research before you get that.  Ironically, many academics try to avoid the higher-level administrative jobs as it takes them away from their research.  Perhaps teaching really would be the best option, and it would be great fun, but to some extent I feel it would be a shame not to use my talents to "save the world" more directly rather than by proxy.

First Post

I'm not sure exactly what I'll do with this.  I have a lot to say and I think maybe this is a good sandbox for working out how to say it.  On the other hand, I don't have a lot of time in which to write.

Let's just see how it goes...